We tend to mistake uniformity for unity. Uniformity is about looking the same, while unity is about actually being one.This means that unity is internal: it begins with agreeing on some fundamentals as being most important and then working together to build in alignment with those fundamentals. Uniformity, on the other hand, is external: looking …
Category archives: Relationships
Take kids seriously by not taking yourself too seriously
The two adults who had the greatest impact on me growing up took me seriously—but didn’t take themselves too seriously.
Circles of obligation
For a typical Nigerian, a small wedding is maybe 300 guests. That’s big in the UK: The difference is due to circles of obligation.
A therapist is a mirror (for your mind)
“You should try therapy.” Pause. What’s your instinctive response to that statement? Agreement? Disagreement? Scepticism? Laughter? Something else? (I’d like to hear what you chose!) In my experience—and I’m sure, that of anyone who’s worked in mental healthcare—scepticism is super common. And I find that equal parts frustrating and fascinating, because a lot of people …
What to do with privilege
One way to find out about something you’re blind to is to run into it and get smacked in the face. That’s how it’s often happened to me anyway. Like one night when I came face to face with my own unconscious bias within my marriage. I liked to cook over the weekend, so I …
Power trips in relationships
Let’s talk about the threefold power rule I once heard a preacher say people are never jealous of your success; what upsets them is your showing off. It was one of those statements that grab you like the glint of gold catching a miner’s eye, indicating a rich vein of treasure beneath. In this case, …
Who is my neighbour?
Wanting to justify himself, he asked, “Who is my neighbour?”Luke 10:29 (paraphrased) This was the lukewarm response to perhaps the most profound words ever uttered. But, let’s be honest, it’s a response we’re all familiar with, isn’t it? Few of us, if any, have a problem with the idea of loving our neighbour. The tricky …
Shameless
A poem for the woman I love My body tingles at your tender touch my eyes ever savour your smileand my ears endlesslylong for your laugh—but my bottomlessshameless need? Your pride in me. A response to Terijo’s “Need Prompt” in Intimately Intricate
The unexpected lesson no-one told me about marriage
My most important lesson after nearly a year I’ve been married nearly a year & thought I’d write on my biggest (and most unexpected) lesson from the past year. And it’s this… Marriage is HUMBLING. I don’t know exactly if it’s because people don’t talk about it, or I didn’t listen well or if I just …
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How to be smart about being smart
7 lessons from superheroes. Being smart is great, but if you’re not smart about it, being smart can land you in a world of hurt. (And that wouldn’t be very smart, now, would it?) Before I say more about that, I should clarify how I’m using “smart” here: By “smart,” I mean being better than …