I’ve never been been a natural performer. So it’s nerve-wracking to know you’re being judged by how well you perform. But that’s how engaging with humans works, and like everyone else I’ve had to figure it out.
Category archives: Relationships
Call me by my name
My name is Ayomide and I want to talk about names: what they mean, who gets to give them and why all of it matters.
Hanlon’s Razor is a way to be generous
Shaving with Hanlon’s razor about once a week helps me stay generous and avoid cynicism. No, Hanlon isn’t a brand of blade, and it’s certainly not for shaving my beard. It’s a super helpful principle for thinking about why people do what they do. You might say it’s for “shaving” human motivation. I like to …
How uniformity kills unity
We tend to mistake uniformity for unity. Uniformity is about looking the same, while unity is about actually being one.This means that unity is internal: it begins with agreeing on some fundamentals as being most important and then working together to build in alignment with those fundamentals. Uniformity, on the other hand, is external: looking …
Take kids seriously by not taking yourself too seriously
The two adults who had the greatest impact on me growing up took me seriously—but didn’t take themselves too seriously.
Circles of obligation
For a typical Nigerian, a small wedding is maybe 300 guests. That’s big in the UK: The difference is due to circles of obligation.
A therapist is a mirror (for your mind)
“You should try therapy.” Pause. What’s your instinctive response to that statement? Agreement? Disagreement? Scepticism? Laughter? Something else? (I’d like to hear what you chose!) In my experience—and I’m sure, that of anyone who’s worked in mental healthcare—scepticism is super common. And I find that equal parts frustrating and fascinating, because a lot of people …
What to do with privilege
One way to find out about something you’re blind to is to run into it and get smacked in the face. That’s how it’s often happened to me anyway. Like one night when I came face to face with my own unconscious bias within my marriage. I liked to cook over the weekend, so I …
Power trips in relationships
Let’s talk about the threefold power rule I once heard a preacher say people are never jealous of your success; what upsets them is your showing off. It was one of those statements that grab you like the glint of gold catching a miner’s eye, indicating a rich vein of treasure beneath. In this case, …
Who is my neighbour?
Wanting to justify himself, he asked, “Who is my neighbour?”Luke 10:29 (paraphrased) This was the lukewarm response to perhaps the most profound words ever uttered. But, let’s be honest, it’s a response we’re all familiar with, isn’t it? Few of us, if any, have a problem with the idea of loving our neighbour. The tricky …